I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’ve asked so much of you but am upset when you don’t look like I think you should. You are strong and capable and always willing to give to those I love. You are resilient and full of love. Thank you for being truly amazing!
Today I weighed us and found I haven’t lost any pounds this month. I felt betrayed by you for some reason. Why are you holding onto this weight!? Why can’t we be smaller? Like we were a few years ago, a few kids ago?
And then I saw my daughter, my beautiful daughter. I would never want her to feel less than because of how her body looks. How could I tell her she is perfect just the way she is when I refuse to be proud of you until you are smaller, less pregnant looking.
I can’t. I have to fix whatever is going on in my mind. I never want her to look at herself like I look at you in the mirror. I’m sorry, it’s not you it’s me. I’ll work on it. I’ll talk better to you. I’ll try and feed you a balanced diet and get you moving more and slowly get you stronger.
I know I need to just mourn the way you used to look and move on. Because that version was good and strong, but you are stronger. YOU are the one who grew, birthed, and are taking of 10 children. Not the you 15 years ago, or the you 10 years ago, or even the you 6 years ago. You should be celebrated for all that you’ve accomplished, not degraded for not jumping back in time into the older version of you.
Humans evolve. We are better now than we were before. Thank you for being patient with me, because I really do appreciate all that you do for me and my loved ones.