I was checking out at the grocery store this past week and making small talk with the kind woman behind me. She said, “I was going to ask if this was your first, but looking at your food load you have to have more kids!…”
“Oh I’m not actually pregnant. But you’re right we do have a lot of kids, which is why my body still wants to look pregnant.” We went on to talk about our kids and how she’s a single mom, it was a good conversation except for confusing me for being pregnant. This is not the first time it’s happened, in fact it’s happened a lot over the course of the years and each time I felt horrible about myself and usually end up crying right afterwards. But not this time. This time I was able to separate my worth with how my body looks. And it felt so good!
So how did I get this far on my path!? Because it has been a journey to self love that I’ve taken this year and I’m so happy with my progress so far. (I should disclaimer that I’m still not perfect and have hard moments, but those are getting more spread out.) I’ve tried over the years to force myself into self love, but this is the first time I took the time to really get to know myself and appreciate who I am, body and all!
It started with me taking time to connect with God and myself each morning. Through scripture study, prayer, and meditation I was able to align myself with my Heavenly Father. I took time to sit at His feet and learn and listen to who He thinks I am. This laid the foundation of how I saw myself, I am a daughter of God first and foremost. Another big part was going on walks in the morning and listening to podcasts, two in particular helped with my journey.
My next step came when I listened to a 3 in 30 Podcast episode about how to clarify your life’s purpose. The guest was Brooke Snow, who I took my meditation course from, so I already trusted her thoughts. She talked of how she came to know how she could use her talents and gifts to help those around her. It’s such a good episode you should give it a listen. But in short, she thought of the big moments in her life and that pointed her to purpose in life.
The next day as I was walking I asked God for help in finding mine. I knew I loved to help people but how in particular do I do that best!? I thought of my childhood and my teen and college years, the good and bad memories. They all had a similar theme, not fitting in or feeling misunderstood. Then everything kind of made sense: I’m good at meeting people where they are. I connect with many different types of people . I don’t always have the right words, but I’m great at listening. That’s why I wanted to be a teacher to help kids feel loved and important and confident. That’s why I have so many children, God knows I’m sensitive to others feelings and will do all I can to help all my children feel loved and accepted. My purpose in life is to lift others up by meeting them where they are, help them feel understood and loved just the way they are. Now I have a foundation of worth and know I have worth to give to the world, both of which have nothing to do with how I look.
I want to give justice to the next step I took in discovering my worth, so I’ll write that on another post.