Peter is almost 7 months. When most of our other children were this age I was preparing for our next baby or pregnant with them! I was in survival mode for the first 3 or so months of my newborn’s life then I had a good 3 or 4 months to enjoy being myself before I’d start to feel the tug on my heart that another child needed to join our family.
I realized today that I’m still in survival mode. I thought I was coming out of it. I willed myself out of it and I saw glimpses of my normal self. But I’m still stuck on survival mode.
I knew having my 10th child was going to be hard, and tentatively have myself a good 5 or 6 months to ease myself out of survival mode. I thought I was being generous. And yet, here I am trying to do all the things I want to do; all the things I’ve been craving to do for the last year or two: waking up early, exercising regularly, making well rounded meals for my family, doing fun festive things with my kids, and going on fun exertions with them.
I’m trying to do all these things and and I just. can’t. do. it. all. I thought I just needed to try harder, come up with a different plan or schedule. Nope. I just need to give it time. Ugh, I’m so done with being patient! Can’t I just be normal!?!?
No. No, Cassanda you can’t. You just grew a child in your amazing body! (On top of 9 previous children) You need to give your body, your mind, and your spirit time to adjust and get used to this new life and what you’ve accomplished
So now what!? I’m such a planner, whenever I’m faced with a struggle or problem I immediately start to think how I’m going to get over this hurdle. So what’s my plan of action!? I don’t know. Right now I’m too tired, and I just realized I’m no Superwoman who can have 10 kids and bounced back like nothing happened. I’m going to just sit on this thought a while and see what this version of survival mode is and how I can go with the flow of it instead of trying to fight against it. I’ll let you know when I know.