For today’s flashback Friday I thought it would be fun to share a blog post I wrote for my family blog back in 2014, right after the birth of my second set of twins. My parents took our four oldest boys to Idaho for several days so I’d have time to recover from my c section and take care of our newborn twins:
Today my boys come home; when my life will really start. I’ll be honest, I’m scared. Maybe it’s because it’s just been me, Jacob, Max, and Spencer for the past week that it’s hard to think of what life will be like with 4 more boys. Will I have the strength and endurance for this? I’m worried I won’t. But as I was adding these last posts, I noticed this note to myself that I started and never published. And although I’m still not sure how it will work out, this was exactly what I needed to hear. So for when I’m having a hard time, this one’s for me.
Sometimes it’s hard. A lot of times it’s beautiful and fun and stressful yes but you truly find joy raising these small children. But for when it gets hard, because it will, please reread this letter many many times. After you found out you were pregnant with twins you had a low night. The tears wouldn’t stop coming, and you knew you needed a blessing from your husband. You needed to know what Heavenly Father would say to you in the low times. What was said wasn’t an easy way out, but it provided you with the peace and calm that you need during these times. He said that this time in your life wasn’t meant to be easy. It’s suppose to be hard, but you will grow a lot spiritually. You will learn what you need to help your family, your extended family, your friends, and neighbors. This time is not suppose to be easy, but it’s worth it.
The day you found out you were having twins, Susan called from Korea. In the conversation she mentioned that week she and Marshall gave many talks on the Lord’s will to the missionaries. They told them that sometimes all they may want is to be a great missionary and bring the gospel to many many people, but that might not be what the Lord wants for them. He might need them to struggle to learn the lessons they need, to be there for others they need to be. You instantly took this to heart. Maybe I’m not suppose to be that supermom who has their kids in cute clean clothes all the time, sitting in a spotless clean home, who does fun activities that are educational as well. Maybe it’s YOUR plan to struggle. To cringe when others come to eat at your house and you see that the chairs haven’t been wiped down in the last month or so. You’re suppose to be the mom who may not have the most nutritious meal on the table, but your kids know they will be fed. You’re not suppose to be perfect, don’t feel bad when your not. The sooner you embrace your limitations, the better. You are raising BOYS for heavens sake. They don’t care if things are clean, tidy, nutritious, educational, pinterest worthy. They want you. They want your hugs, smiles, tickles, and acceptance.
The first Sunday after you found out at church you sang an intermediate hymn. I’ll Go Where You Want Me to Go. It has also given you the peace to go on. “It may not be on a mountain height or over the stormy sea, it may not be at the battle’s front My Lord will have need of me. But if, by a still, small voice he calls to paths that I do not know, I’ll answer, dear Lord, with my hand in thine, I’ll go where you want me to go.”
*side note: Marshall and Susan are Jacob’s parents who were mission president in Korea for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for 3 years.