Why is it that I can be so grateful and in awe for my amazing body and all that it’s been through the last 10 years, and yet feel sad when I look in the mirror.
I told myself that I wasn’t even going to think of my weight or size until the new year. I’d give myself a good 6 months to adjust to having 10 kids, then 2020 would be my year to give back to my body. To fuel it correctly and give it time to grow in strength and let it take whatever form it wanted to. To have the energy and stamina to finally get out and run with my kids and be the active family we all crave to be!
And yet here I am 7 weeks out and struggling with what I see in my reflection. I give myself talk after talk about how my body is amazing and strong and to give it a second to rest. I remind myself why I got this way, the 10 beautiful children it CREATED! I list all 10 in my mind and know I wouldn’t trade ANY of them, I would sacrifice it all over again if I had to. I remind myself that I knew when I felt Peter’s spirit 2 years ago that it was going to be hard but it was worth it. And it is. But now I’m in the hard. And it’s hard.
So here I am, caught in a mind battle. The wish to be grateful, patient, and peaceful mixed with the raw emotions of wanting my outward appearance to match how I see myself in my head. Not exactly knowing how to begin the journey but desperately wanting to. To again feel the satisfaction of mind over body, because for so long I have put me on hold for my children.
I’m just now, as I’m writing this, realizing before I can work on my physical body, I’m going to need to work on my mind. Right now there is a lot going on in our lives and I have a lot on my mind to stress and think about. Everything is jumbled around created chaos so no wonder all the good productive thoughts have no place to stick around! I feel like I need to give it the love and attention it craves and allow time to clear, sort, and strengthen what’s going on up there so it’s ready to take on the world!
So join me in my journey to finding a happier, healthier, and stronger Cassanda both in body and mind! My first plan of attack: Start the day off with prayer, scriptures, and pondering (30 minutes if I get it with Peter still not sleeping through the night or at least 10 minutes.) When possible go for a walk alone to start off the day being grounded to my own thoughts, wants, and needs. Also, to allow silence throughout the day, don’t be quick to fill the void with music or a show! Allow my thoughts to flow and work themselves out. I’ll keep you posted how it’s going, but until then does anyone have any other ways they detox and take care of their minds?