I was crying in the hall of our small off campus apartment when Jacob walked in. Sobbing while holding a crying newborn Christopher and trying to comfort a crying 18 month old Steven. Jacob looked at me symptomatically and I burst out, “We can’t have more than 2 kids. We just can’t! How do people have more than 2 kids!?!?” Jacob definitely agreed and we discussed how it’s insane that our parents had 6 and 8 children because we couldn’t even fathom how anyone could take care of two kids at the same time!
We had other times when we wondered how we could manage with another baby but none so intense as after our second child. After our first set of twins our lives were so busy we thought we couldn’t handle any more, but then again we never thought we could handle twins! And after our second set of twins I thought our family was complete. Jacob would tell me he thought we’d have more, that I’d change my mind, and asked, “But what if there’s a little girl!?” “Well then you can have her with someone else, because I’m done being pregnant and birthing babies!” -I’ll go into what changed my mind later on, because you know we did have more, 4 more to be exact! And when we felt those tugs in our hearts the past 4 times that there were more children to come into our family, we were nervous but knew we’d be ok. If our past had taught us anything it’s that we could do hard things and with Christ we could do all things!
It’s interesting to think back to that moment and how absolute we both felt that we were not one of “those people” that could have a lot of kids. The ceiling we gave ourselves, our family, and future was small. I’m so grateful for a God that understands the struggle and the emotions during the struggle. But He also gently shows us that we are more than the little box we put ourselves in. Our potential and abilities are limitless with His help.
So friends, whether you’re facing a scary decision, or your life is changing into something you didn’t plan, or you’re just plain overwhelmed, you’ve got this! You are far stronger than you know. You are more patient than you think. You are more capable than you give yourself credit for. And you have Someone on your side who is rooting for you and helping you along the way, even if it seems you’re doing it all alone.