I like to feel in control. This has leant itself well for small children, but as my children are starting to grow it creates extra stress in my life. The other morning I felt overwhelmed with all that was out of my control. The state of the house (I only have so much energy and flexibility these days), the state of my children (they are living their best dirty summer life), the state of our new business, Morrise Products (and closely related to this is Jacob’s emotional state), and my ever growing aches and pains in being 36 weeks with my 10th child. I tried to go on with the day; breakfast, clean up, reading, outing, lunch… It wasn’t until I was on my way to my doctor’s appointment that I really internalized my feelings.
The state of my house and children effect me so much because what if people see them and know that not only am I not in control but that I don’t have it all together! I’m not sure why I feel the need to appear like I have it together. Maybe it’s because I see everyone else having it together and need to look like everyone else’s standards. Maybe it’s because I’m a mother and it’s my job to create a safe inviting atmosphere for everyone. Maybe because I’m a mother to a large family and I feel like if I don’t have it together I’ll be judged and receive harsh comments because obviously we shouldn’t have all these children if I can’t have it all together with them. What if I’m failing them all?
I knew I needed to name the emotion and the source before I could move forward and fix my thinking. I said a quick prayer. Heavenly Father am I failing everyone? Are you unhappy with my mothering abilities? Please Help me.
The answer came from different revelations given to me from blessings throughout the years. “I’m pleased with you and your family. There will be times when others may judge the condition of your home or your children. The man looketh on outward appearances, but the Lord looketh on the heart. I know your heart is good, everything will be ok.
So friend, when you feel like you aren’t measuring up to a standard set by someone else or even yourself, please remember, you are doing far better than you think, than you know. When all is said and done there’s only One who will be the judge of your abilities and life, and He knows you better than you know yourself. He loves you more than you know and is proud of all the work you’re doing.
So take a deep breath. You’ve got this.