Two years ago, November 15, 2017, Jacob and I went in for a gender reveal ultrasound, it was my 7th full term pregnancy. Not only were we excited to see our new little one, but we were excited to find out what the next couple of years would look like for our family. You see, I knew there were 2 children missing from our family. How I knew that is a story for another day, but I knew there was a girl, Lily that I feel like I had previously miscarried, and a boy, Peter.
If this ultrasound showed us a girl, obviously we’d be elated! I had cried countless “what if” tears thinking about this little girl I’d never hold in this life. During the beginning of this pregnancy I’d let my self imagine it was a girl, our Lily, and instantly my eyes would fill with joyful tears. But then I’d have to shut down that thought, because I was convinced that this life is for us to go through hard things and this was one of those hard things for us, to never hold our daughter. As you can tell, we’d be beyond grateful if it was a girl, but that would also mean I’d need to be pregnant again. Contrary to popular belief, my pregnancies are not easy. They aren’t exactly horrible, but it’s really hard on my body and our family. So the thought of going through another pregnancy was daunting, but worth it if we could get Lily.
Going in I knew that if it was a boy, that meant we were done having children, I knew Peter would be the youngest. No more pregnancies, we could just raise our family. This was a very exciting thought! BUT then we’d have to let go of the small chance that we’d get Lily. We’d have to officially mourn the loss of our daughter and that miscarriage. Both options were filled with excitement and dread.
The plan was to only have Jacob find out the gender at the ultrasound because I couldn’t take one more, “Girls don’t have that mom!” We’d go to Walmart, I’d get black balloons and he’d get some candy in blue or pink. We’d go home and I’d find out along with the boys whether it was Lily or Peter! Well, I couldn’t wait that long so as soon as we got in the car, I made Jacob tell me! I took this video for posterity…
It was a GIRL! Tears, so many happy tears! I couldn’t stop crying and Jacob couldn’t stop laughing. We went to Walmart to get the black balloons and pink suckers and we must’ve been a sight. I was openly weeping telling random workers that we were getting our daughter after 8 sons and Jacob was laughing the whole time out of excitement. I couldn’t stop saying out loud or to myself, “God is good. God is SO good!”
We went home and had the boys pop the balloons and they were all excited, except our oldest who said he’d run away if it was a girl. But don’t worry when she was born, he hardly left her side in the hospital. All our boys love and adore Lily and will often tell me I should have 8 more girls…I tell them they can when they get married!
Even writing down this memory, I can’t stop the tears from coming. Sometimes we go through hard, seemingly unbearable, times, but Heavenly Father can see the big picture. He allows us to feel the pain so we can grow and so the pure joy we feel will be that much sweeter!